This year for Amy…

Amy Passey

I wanted to share a few thoughts on the journey God has taken us on this year.  Many people have come with us and we are so grateful for all the love, prayers, scriptures and encouragement.

By the end of this year, I will have had 11 months of treatment for Breast Cancer.   The diagnosis was a real shock of course.  We’ve had such excellent treatment all the way through by expert medical teams that have taken such good care of us.

The first few days were unreal.  I was scared but somehow felt safe.  We were overwhelmed with the love and support of family and friends.  Our reality was a peace that was vast and consuming and can only be attributed to our God.

The emotions came in waves.  Friends and church have been safe places to process and cry.  If we’re trying to hold it all together on a Sunday morning I think we are missing out on the restoration God loves to do when we’re honest in his presence.  There were lots of times I told God it was not ok that I was so ill.  He could handle it.

There are some benefits to having this kind of illness.  Suddenly what’s important to you becomes really clear.  The wish list becomes small and simple: another 50 years and a family.

The battle raged on.  About half way through we had a renewed sense that we needed to keep fighting and believing for good news in the face of the setbacks. I can’t see much of it now, but I am still confident that “I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.”   Something I prayed a lot was for God to keep my dreams alive, to enable me to look beyond this illness, that I would do this season well and not waste it.

I’ve had a lot of time read.  A couple things have really stood out.  The first is this quote from a book called ‘God on Mute’ by Pete Grieg: “ I would not want to go back to being the carefree person I was. God has changed me. He has rewired me.  He blew a half time whistle on my life and made me realize that I had many of my priorities wrong.”  The second is that pain can make you bitter or better.  I choose better.

Just before my surgery, probably the scariest part of the journey for us, I wrote in my journal: “The conclusion that I keep coming to is that you God are bigger than this and that we are safe in your hands. Safe in the real sense, eternally safe.”

So we thank God for the journey we are on, continue to trust He is able to save us from whatever our circumstances are, insist on the possibility of miracles and to this faith and faithfulness, so that even if our prayers aren’t answered in the way we thought we wanted, we still trust Him.